Global Fellowship

Assertiveness in Relationships
Healthy relationships require honesty, respect, and the courage to speak up. Too often, we swing between silence and aggression, either keeping quiet to avoid conflict or speaking so forcefully that we hurt others. Assertiveness offers a better way. As Ephesians 4:15 reminds us, “speaking the truth in love” is the path to growth and maturity.
Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs clearly and honestly, while respecting the rights and dignity of others. It is very different from passivity, which avoids conflict at all costs, or aggression, which disregards others. At its core, assertiveness is rooted in self-worth; it is believing that your voice matters, and so does the voice of the other person.
The Bible gives us strong examples of this balance. When Jesus cleansed the temple (John 2:1-17), He was bold and direct, but His actions were driven by love for God’s house. When Nathan confronted David over his sin (2 Samuel 12:1–14), he was truthful but also wise, choosing words that convicted without crushing. True assertiveness communicates truth in a way that builds up rather than tears down.
In everyday relationships, assertiveness helps prevent misunderstandings, strengthens respect, and fosters healthier connections. It allows us to solve problems directly, boosts emotional health, and reduces the buildup of resentment that so often leads to passive-aggressive behaviour. Being assertive also empowers us to share our faith with confidence, without being pushy or disrespectful of others’ beliefs.
Of course, assertiveness comes with challenges. Fear of rejection, low self-esteem, people-pleasing tendencies, or past negative experiences can hold us back, but these barriers can be overcome through practice: using “I” statements, active listening, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to say no without guilt.
Conflict, rather than being feared, can become an opportunity for growth when handled with grace.
Assertiveness is not about demanding your way or “telling someone off.” It is about love, love for God, for yourself, and for others. The ultimate test of our assertiveness is this: ask yourself, “If Jesus were standing here, would I still say or do this?” When we can answer yes, we know we are speaking up in the right spirit, firm, respectful, and full of love.